Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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