He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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