You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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