I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
