i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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