I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
