not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
