glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
