Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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