When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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