Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
