come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
