I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
