I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
