like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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