My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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