I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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