We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he quoted the bible to break up with me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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