i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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