i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
