Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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