dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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