Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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