I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
