I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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