He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my vag is so smooth its legendary
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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