There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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