You're completely useless in the revolution.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
