Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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