Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
