I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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