Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
