I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
