I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
