I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
