Dual....:-)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
