This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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