you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
