did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
