K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
