She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
