And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
