please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
