Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
