it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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