Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
