I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
