I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
