I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
