I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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