I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
