Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
