He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
