My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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