As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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