All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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