You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
