I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
