I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
