Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
