Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
