Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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