Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
